Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Sometimes

I heard this song on the radio (garda fm) that went like this

hey baby it drives me crazy thinking of you. love away I got everything you need and so much more living in this world without you you're mine to keep got everything you need and so much more don't throw my love away I'm thinking of more and more each day yeah yeah yeah yeah hey baby you know i'm thinking of you and it drives me crazy night after night I pray and I want you back let's get it on got everything you need and so much more

I immediately thought of my ex. Ugh why?! It's like this curse that follows me. Truth is my ex is gone. She dead. In my schizophrentic universe she ain't coming back. Sob story. I cry tears of goodbye for you but in reality she gone. What's the point of having a girl? Like the homeless man said to me too much work. I agree.

I've seen too much crazy shit to want a babe. No no no it ain't me babe. It ain't me your looking for babe. I'm a drunk. I'm a stoner. I'm what I am a schizophrentic blogger. Fuck that word. Schizophrenia. I've become bitter. I'm trying giving it my all each and every day but at the end of the day am I? I look forward to sleep far too much. Living my dream reality not coming to terms with this reality. No wonder I drown myself in alcohol and THC. and hell yeah this day has been great. I've drunken wine to the point of my body feeling weird. Fuck that word. Weird. I before e except after C and in the word weird. Fuck. Fuck the weaklings who can't take me as my true form. I'm depressed manic schizophrentic. I just might turn on you. If I knew you in a past life i.e. Mexico or Provo I still love you. Love is what keeps me up and sustains my life. Love is all you need. What is love? That is the true question. Don't hurt me baby. Don't hurt me. Sure I miss your laughter. I miss togetherness but this new chapter is for the better. Hello. I don't have anything to say to you. Anything I would have liked to have said I've said it all before. This is a lone and dreary life. It's hell. It's heaven. It's whatever our minds can put together. We is InI. We is us humanity. We is the husband and wife who lost their child due to illness. Why do the Gods permit such atrocities? InI say the controller God is dead. Perhaps it's the induced catatonic state this wine has brought in me. I'm suffering. Why do they permit such terrible things to happen. I still believe in the yellow bird. She might be out their floating living her life waiting for me. But frankly I'm not in a place to respond. I'm fucked up and that's the place I want to be in. Call me crazy please. That's what society labeled me for walking down a highway counter direction. I'm but a simple man not ready to take it up the ass because I think that is truly sick. Man is strong if he takes such an act? Good for that man. I am sending on a consistent basis hoping someone will recieve. I stare off into the distance at a lunch tote and think what a wonderful day it is. It's a brand new day. Just like in mexico. I can conquer here as I did there?

WHY? Why is this shit so fucked up?

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