Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Seething Ball of Rage

time 2:10 on February 20th 2017. This might be my last entry. My thought pattern gets lost in an abyss of machination and plotting. I know I don't have the means to carry out such devious, diabolical acts so I conform with writing this blog. Why are my parents seemingly against me? Their love for me is weak and their support for me is laughable. I expect nothing from them. Good for them for being narcissistic and holding their ground. I don't want them and they don't want me. Good. I'm in all cases a speck in the cosmos. My suicide will be a meaningless blip in the universe. I don't feel bad that they will have to clean up the mess and deal with the body. If they wanted a different outcome they should have treated me more kindly and more fairly. Perhaps try to have a heart to heart with a schizophrenic mind.

I'm a kind soul however my rage and contempt grows. It seems I have turned to the dark side (laugh track). Master Revin forgive I for these abominable acts. I have a clear conscious. I expect to find the master of the Universe and with understanding grant my soul be released from this endless cycle of incarnations. InI grateful to Jah. Not the white God Jesus. InI Jah be a spirit ever pervasive and ever supreme. Black as the night.

How can I praise Jah as a demon? This question has troubled me for some time. InI an angel protector on the dark side praising the light side I came from. It ultimately comes down to non-duality. I see beyond right and wrong.

What is this thing called love? The only love I knew was from a woman whom I shall not name. I only now recognize this thing so pure and sublime. I let it slip away into the abyss of my schizophrenic mind. It's only too true that phrase you never know what you have till it's gone. Love. My parents I believe gave me "love" out of duty and expectation. Sure they might have said "I love you" to me (most of the time I don't recall they did) even still their feeling of love is weak. Hate and anger permeate my life much stronger than love. The act of love, sex, is nonexistent in my world growing up and now. What a shame. They say it's a good thing.

Will my life be counted as a failure because I gave into the dark forces and dark energies? I seriously doubt it. My suicide will be the capstone to a beautiful life full of forced social interaction with moderate acquaintances. The closest friend I had was either a childhood friend June or adulthood friend who shall not be named.
When you think about it the darkness is what this universe is made of. All talk of love as this divine power is laughable. I speak of one love. One love for self. InI love myself and because I do I will end my suffering via asfixiation.

Ultimately I know that I am not well. I have an unstable mind. I have the mind of a criminal who has not the means nor connections of carrying out crimes against humanity. So InI will commit the one "crime" that is not a crime. I will end my existence. Thank God. This life sucks. Overrated. I've played several times if not tens of times and every time is the same. We ask the same questions about our existence and mortality. InI am free and unfree simultaneously. My death will be release of all this rage.

break

continuo
ahora he cambiado la mente. voy a consiguir nueva chica que se llama nictehai. No importa I'm wanting to get drunk having smoked the herb. I am a devil child. I've said alot in this universe. It's almost like I'm possesed.
No doubt is a good band. I like no doubt. I love Gweneth Paltrow! What's here name again? Gwen stafani. ahh. I've had the best day. Not really. but yes. It's just 147 on a Tuesday. I've lived all these days for milenia. It's a place where InI exist alone. with my girl. the empress. We are standout.
devil let nobody get the best of you.
InI am schizophrentic.boo!
scary picture show.
resemblance a un alien.
La madre es una puta light and kindess.
Full integration
no give away the name. I do not tell.
I needed to write this book in order for my life to be complete.
What makes a complete life?
I've thought about the question I've been having in my mind forever or close to it. It's like the internet wass used for the show/signal got messed up. I have the smartness of a one grader old little person.
La musica esta bien chida. No se lo que estaba diciendo. Hablaba como un ghost. Except there was something about mind block. InI am duppy. and body. Spirit and blood. If I'm an advanced human being there would no be blood. Just body. This is the reason for turning to the light side. It would enable I-person to live for something.
Ok here's something Bob Marley said that makes it bien clarito. (really clear)
There are two roads one is life and one is death. And if you live in death you must be dead. And if you live in life you must be live. The way the mouth say make you live.
This quote makes it easy to tell that there are two worlds and we must actively try to seperate those two worlds. Eventually however if find the two roads are the same. This is advaita. Read it on my website jmohave.github.io

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