Sunday, January 22, 2017

THE STRUGGLE

10,000 hours project. I can't get a job because fundamentally I don't want a job. I'm here typing. Frustrated. Schizofrania dealt me it's first professional defferal. I'm sad all my relationships are in shambles. Happy to know I have advocates at Lifeworks. Not much help from lifeworks. Wishing for a simpler time. Too many hoops to jump through. It'd be easier to kill myself than get a job. Gaining hope from a luis ck quote. There are times I won't feel all that great. Just push on through. My parental relationships are shit. I've been labeled a bum. Science fiction. I can't even read. Getting used to being alone. So alone. 18 years of loneliness. perhaps. I can take of myself? I can take care of myself.
Dear Black Student Union,
Every day is such a struggle. Every minute of the ticking clock seems to seep into brain cells and activate this little internal man in my skull. He screams "Shut the fuck up! I can't think." This is a taste of the life as a schizofrantic.
I'm looking at this whole thing wrong. Everything is ok. I'm healthy and sane for the most part. It's a matter of time before I'm placed in well to do house.
BULLSHIT. ITS aLL BULLSHIT AND LIES.
What is my truth? My truth is right here on this canvas for words.
Dear Junior,
How do you do it man? How do you love life like you do?

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