Sunday, January 22, 2017

FRIDAY4


"Shizofrania is a real hard thing to live with" Diana Ross.
The more and more I think about it the more I want to write for a living. That's why I've embarked on the 10,000 hours project.
What love a parent of a schizofrantic has. Patience beyond belief. Thank you parents.
Being stuck in the simulation with out escape.
Thinking 0 hits will suffice.
Que maravilla es tener el nombre. El nombre de la salvacion. Si tu no crees en la salvacion pues te digo en serio tal vez debas de humillarte.
Todos los pensamientos de ser dignos del muro.
Necesito alcohol para lubricar el pensamiento. Whisky es el vicio of choice.
Getting caught up in the swing of things I want to say I mean "the motions" except I don't really know what I want to say. Living as a shizofrantic has got me believing some ...
Sometimes I realize I'm just rambling on and I just need to cool it.
I used to have an anger problem. When I got high on marijuana I used to get very angry. At the whole world I was angry. Then I realized alll the demons were inside me and what I truly was. Dead meat.
Disorganized eschizofrania. Yo estoy con el de Invega.
I was purposely imitating the cultures of others and the symptoms of various mental disorders such as tardive dysinesia. The voices keep telling me I for example "speak like a rasta", "speak with a stutter" "suffer from extreme alogia", "mpve suddenly and jerkedly as to indicate voluntary involuntary movements. What was the difference?
I had lost it I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I KNOW who I am but truly with the onset of schizofrania I've become a lost child. Knowing that I'm not black but I'm also not white not exactly chilean mas creeia al punto de poder estar bien a pesar de los simptomas negativas. Podria enfocarme en lo que queria como el escribir.
No querer borrar o editar es un problema con los escritores academicos.
El querer vivir el sueno de ir a la universidad mas anhos. Mas en Oregon.
El no saber que pensar porque no se lo que estoy pensando.
El ser influenciado por otros.
El querer poder entender mas tambien no entender y solo decir.
Tiene sentido mis pensamientos.
"I don't remember what I was like before". Diana Ross. I'm a schizofrantic and I agree with this statement. If you knew me in high school I'm completely different. Life brings with it a surreal feeling between life and love and confusion.
El saber que mis pensamientos son desorganizados mas fluidos me trae mucho gozo. La gente habla asi?  Soy GRINGO doh!
Thinking of the past brought some pain some guilt and self hate mas por la mayoria del tiempo el pensar en el pasado me hace muy feliz.
I've noticed how easy it is to fall off the wall and loosing your marbles and not making it straight.  At a certain point you lose track of where you are and where you are going. I think those are the standstill moments where It'd probably be best to change your situation whater it may be wherever you may be
El poder decir que el espanol es mejor que el ingles. Es que suena mejor. Mis chistes y mi forma de hablar es portulenho. De ahi vengo. De Portlandia.
Sorry guys just because we're friends on facebook doesn't mean we're friends in real life. I mean I really have friends and we're not friends on facebook. Actually my best friends my  best teachers don't even have a facebook. I love you however if I don't say anything to you it's probably cause I'm writing and caught up in a trance. Did I mention that?
Losing it and saying something i regret haha.
Having a streak of genius and just drawing a blank. See why am I sharing this?
Popularidad es una contesta. Ahi empezamos a entender. Ding dong!
When the movie is over your like "damage what am I gonna say now?"
Getting caught up in an endless loop. An endless loop? Is a is well you know I've never had to tell anybody what an endless loop is. It's when your brain is caught up in a computer program printing the same lines over and over and over and over again until you are driven mad.
I think we should stop hating on the Mormons guys I mean they did believe in polygamy and their unique doctrine is somewhat entertaining however when you look at them they are a good people. I mean I was a missionary and those two years mean a lot to me. You get caught up in the endless loop of life and then you realize you are just rambling on. SELF ESTEEM. Hey you! I'm going to finish this story and you are going to listen. So being a mormon. It's not all that bad. I don't see myself as Mormon so much as I see myself as a human being. Thankfully and Sadly we are subdivided and further labeled. What is needed is the ability to read betwen the lines. To use some Mormon speak ... actually honestly I forgot where I was going with this story. Ok. I'm going to try again. I'm a human being, a demisexual, and a philospher and I write.
This is how I spend the time. both listening to nature and listening to my thoughts. All the thoughts are from God. Once there is doubt that some thoughts come from "Satan" you've already lost. And when I say satan I mean dark thoughts such as hurting others or yourself. Those are satanic thoughts for me. Santanic thoughts are somethng else completely. ... ... titanic thoughts.
Lying the white lie. I'm stuck. Remembering Jah. Remembering the islands. Remembering the people. Kia Kaha. Place of imagination place of solitude. Poetry in motion. Silence. Silent s. Snakelike behavior. Seeing the Satan of cada uno. I am the one who gives eve the fruit. I can't be adam. I'm simply not. So with this in mind I'm trying to be good.
I'm luciferian because of what I've previously written except really I want to be RASTAferian. I can hear the voice of the rastaferian in my 'ed. This voice is telling me to make love not war. I believe in marriage but I also believed in fun marriage.  It's not all about sex let me to you that. It's seeing things it's not wanting the thought pattern to "go there". Being distracted by elements artficiales..
Dando se cuenta de que la vida va muy lento.
Hola como estas mi nombre es fulano de tal vengo de los United States solo ser querido.
Voy a escribir hasta el punto del cerro.
Tengo verguenza por haber revelado todo mi. QUE? QUE ESTOY PENSANDO TONTO LOCO.
La vida es una obra. Ese lado de mi cerebro ese elemento negativo se produce por el lagartija.
Perdi a mi primo este anho. no he hablado sobre el. Pareciera a veces que me rodea la muerte. En ese momento recuerdo que es la laz donde se halla la luz y me siento mejor. Si tu has perdido a alguien hare una breve oracion por ti
que tener la mente totalmente destruido por alguien mas y tener creencia como tu a la verga con este pensamiento. Voy a fumar.
Not having the know how of how to defend myself.
I've listened to some bob marley interviews lately and honestly from all he says I'm like theres a dude with his priorties straight. God. Music. Wife. This other video called him a white devil.  I was like whatever. I like his music and also hold the second advent of Jesus Christ to be Haile Sellasie.
 I'm creating this new theology. It's  not a church. It's a corporation. "I belong to the great corporation of the United States." The children sing. Ok not for reals. Sometimes however I do wonder what would happen if mormons believed Yeshua's second advent was Haile Sellasie like the rastas hold. The Peoples Key by Bright Eyes is a great album to liste to if you are looking to expand your conciousness. <END>
When an author reviews his or her work it's like really difficult to edit. I've said this before. When something seems perfect it must be  perfect AS IS.
The thing with facebook is you lose track of what your voice sounds like. That is why higher education is so important. It helps you develop that higher version of yourself. It helps .... pause... actually  I have no idea what I'm talking about. I like facebook. I like seeing the little planet being red and having a number next to it. It's like a dopamine rush. Then when I see whats there I begin to realize what an inconsiderate ingrate I am. At this moment I just don't care what's happening to you in your life.
Facebook is destroying borders faster than any group or lobby with the same goal.
Working.
Deciding it'd be a good idea to go back to work.
Son palabras nada mas.
aqui one dos
Playing hookie or not.
Estas frases como irse de pinta son padres.
Despues de tanto hablar de que se habla?
Es mejore twitter?
Again getting caught up in the dream. Schizofrania is as schizofrania does.
Sometimes I think OH MY GOODNESS what is fulano de tal going to think of me because now that I am _______. Then I just hope they think good thoughts.
Taking it really slow.
Pensamiento tras pensamiento. Que mas puedo decir? Todos ya lo han dicho todo antes.
El estar aburrido vs el querer fumar.
El pensar que esto sabe horrible.
El no tener mas que decir mas me requieren mas palabras.
Just getting fucked up mentally.
Editing out thoughts in my mind.
Recieving instructions while giving instructions
I am the master programmer of my life.
Life is a struggle to keep on continuing.
"Give us the teaching of his majesty for we not no devil philosphy"
I met a Jamaican nurse while hospitalized in new york. We shared some thoughts. Mainly about Bob Marley. She started singing "Survival". She just about killed me. Love that song. "It's a world that forces lifelong insecurity. We are the survivors. Yes the black survivors" You believe?
The stone that the builder refuse shall be the head cornerstone. Force on us the devils illusion. You see what Bob is saying? The devil has been tied up. At least this is true for me my personal sphere. You don't have to be dread to be rasta. Still gonna ride it out.
Going with the flow of life.
being tired of having to continue. This  is the end.
Greenmail in rio: what's love got to do got to do with it?

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